the (mis)adventures of ergo girl

where's the beef? heck i'd settle for peanuts.

2006-08-06T09:15:00.000-04:00

i was on a flight yesterday and got to thinking about the food you get on a plane. i remember as a kid getting peanuts on a flight, or on longer flights a meal. then at somepoint in my teens/early 20s it degenerated to a box of 2 chiclets at take off and just before landing. now what do you get? food and beverage for purchase, and not even at decent prices, especially if you end up on a US flight and you only have Canadian dollars "that will be $5 US or $7 Canadian" (have they even looked at the exchange rate lately?).

so there i was, hungry with my ears popping with nothing to do but curse the man that discovered he could save American Airlines $40,000 a year by eliminating one olive from each salad.

the meaning of my birthday

2006-02-17T10:21:00.000-05:00

You are an island.

You don't need anyone else to make you happy.

And though you see yourself as a loner, people are drawn to you.

Deep and sensitive, you tend to impress others with your insights.

You also tend to be psychic - so listen to that inner voice!

Your strength: Your self sufficiency
Your weakness: You despise authority
Your power color: Maroon
Your power symbol: Hammer
Your power month: July

http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/

highlights from last night's debate

2006-01-10T15:41:00.000-05:00

1) they bleeped the prime minister (for those that missed it, it was near the beginning and he said "i'm f*cking excited about canada").

2) in addition to learning how to smile while speaking (albeit a half smile) stephen harper also learned to move his eyebrows about half way through the debate. either that or the botox is wearing off.

but in all seriousness...

with one of the major party leaders wanting to abuse the notwithstanding clause to trump the charter of rights and freedoms, and the other wanting to abolish said clause thus dismantling an integral part of our constitution i am seriously afraid for this country.

you'll never guess my secret identity

2005-12-14T17:11:00.000-05:00

so i heard about this site called www.myheritage.com on the hour last night. you upload your photo and using facial recognition software it tells you which celebrity you most closely resemble based on facial structure. so i ran a pic of b and i on the beach and we came out as tiger woods and whitney houston, apparently we're secretly black and one of us has a drug problem....

random ASSult and other bad behaviour

2005-12-12T19:14:00.000-05:00

two things transpired on saturday that made me really glad i'm not a single gal in Toronto:

1) while at an undisclosed club i was returning to my friends from the bar when out of nowhere some guy that decided i looked like i needed to be rubbed by his butt. do guys think this is a good way to pick up girls? cause IT'S NOT. seriously i can forgive being bumped into but trapping me in a crowd and grinding your ass up against me while i'm obviously trying to get away from you is just annoying.

2) while waiting for the elevator at roy thompson hall b stopped to tie his shoe. apparently the neanderthal failed to notice him and said to me 'after party, my place' so i said 'no thanks.' and instead of taking no for an answer the guy continues to pester me until i lean over and touch b's back, at which point the guy was all 'oh sorry man.' why he was apologizing to b and not me i'm still trying to figure out... are guys in toronto still stuck in the 70s or something?

plays well with others... or not

2005-12-02T11:31:00.000-05:00

so yesterday the dragonlady was in her usual fine form and chastised me for not saving a document in a format she could view. i wouldn't have minded converting the file for her if a) she hadn't been so condescending b) i actually had the program required to save the document in the correct format. anyhow i ended up enlisting the help of a member of our web team who had both programs and eventually got it saved for her. now admittedly i was pretty pissed off, if there's one thing i can't tolerate it's people condescending to me, it's a flaw i know and i really try to not let her bother me, but on occasion she gets through my defenses and i crack.

later on i got an email from her with the latest program revisions that needed to be coded. upon opening the document i had a very strong sense of deja vu, and sure enough i checked the date and they were the revisions from the last cycle i couldn't help but feel a bit vindicated, so i went and checked the program and sure enough she had re-done modifications that were already done. I fixed the modifications and put the new ones in place, then sent her an email stating that those were the prior cycles revisions that she had sent out and that i had corrected the program.

i know i *shouldn't* be so giddy about it, and i realize that my delight in her error makes me a bad person, but i just can't help it... karmic retribution is mine!

now off for some self flagellation.

art or porn?

2005-12-02T09:35:00.000-05:00

so i was visiting my friend patron of the arts and i noticed that he had a statue that was a rather graphic depiction of a sexual act between two females. i mentioned the statue, and he accused me of being a prude. now i have no problem with nudity in art, but that statue is simply not something i'd put in my house because i don't see the 'art' of it, to me it was just crass. i told him the picture of the nude female with sticks in the bathroom didn't bother me. so we then got into a discussion of when is nudity art and when is it porn? mostly we talked about the girlie mags, b said that playboy was more art than porn, and i asked why he felt that way to which patron of the arts stated "it's only porn if there's a close up"

there we have it folks the difference between art and pornography lies in the zoom lens.

a christmas wish

2005-11-30T10:15:00.000-05:00

i know we're only going to end up with another liberal minority in january but you know what i'd love to see? a bloc minority with an ndp balance of power, now THAT would be good governance!

bumper sticker philosophy

2005-11-17T14:21:00.000-05:00

while on the bus this morning i spotted a white mini van sporting a bumper sticker that said 'follow your bliss'. i can't help but think that if this person followed their bliss to a white mini van that they may have been misled.

know your audience

2005-11-10T08:48:00.000-05:00

so i was talking with gay squared last night and she said that she was still angry over the fact that her ex boyfriend had cheated on her, despite the fact that she was over him. to which i replied "please, you're so over him you're gay!"

boo-bees

2005-10-26T15:15:00.000-04:00

i know it's a few days early, but happy halloween none the less....

my uterus stages monthly hostile takeovers of my brain

2005-09-23T13:29:00.000-04:00

so my mom had a hysterectomy last week and this prompted a discussion between myself and a co-worker over the etymology of the word hysterectomy. well lets start with the basics:

hystera is the greek word for womb and ectomy comes from the greek word ektomy meaning "a cutting out"

the term hysteria was originally defined as a neurotic condition peculiar to women and thought to be caused by a dysfunction of the uterus. you see the ancient greek doctors thought that the uterus moved around the body causing hysteria, and that removing the uterus would cause the "neurotic" condition to cease.

our question is this:

if the uterus was so busy traveling about the body, how did they know where to find it when they went to remove it?

has the world gone mad?

2005-09-22T14:26:00.000-04:00

this picture was taken in strathroy ontario around noon today by sloth warrior. apparently all it takes is a few rumours of prices of $1.85 a litre to incite mass panic and a rush on gas stations. i can only assume this type of behaviour will get worse each time a hurricane threatens the gulf of mexico.

with the second major hurricane in the gulf of mexico within 3 weeks, and the unusually high number of tropical cyclones this year causing all of this hysteria here and in the united states i have to ask... does good 'ole dubbya south of the border believe in global warming now?

surrounded by republicans in ten gallon hats

2005-02-01T21:56:00.000-05:00

i have officially survived my first twenty-four hours in dallas and here is what i have learned so far:

1) there are very few sidewalks in dallas (none in the area i'm in). when i asked the hotel desk clerk about this she looked at me quizzically and drawled "people from dallas don't walk anywhere. hell if i want to go to the store 3 houses down for a soda, i drive." and she was dead serious.

2) there are few if any cross walks in dallas. the aforementioned hotel clerk said "yeah pedestrians might as well tape a target to their back-sides."

3) if you hand a store clerk a loonie, they will look at you like you are one.

4) it's frightening how dependent i am on our colour coded currency. (paying in cash takes me forever here).

more updates to come...

the best thing to happen to canadian t.v. since the beachcombers

2005-01-21T13:37:00.000-05:00

well for all you kevin smith fans here in the great (freaking cold) white north be sure to check out his 3 ep stint on degrassi the next generation. i still haven't figured out where his strange love of degrassi comes from, but as one who grew up on it (and other canadian cinematic gems) i found his occasional references to it in his films highly amusing. apparently the premise of the eps involves the faux filming of "jay and silent bob go canadian eh?" has sparked rumor of the film actually coming to fruition, so we may yet see the duo in mountie uniforms. that is if disney would agree to it....

Happy Pneu Year

2005-01-06T14:34:00.000-05:00

first things first, the miscellaneous update for the past month:

finally got the issues with the p-units sorted, and spent my 2 weeks of holidays in the T-dot with b. Got to catch up with little spitfire of attitude, l-r switch, and gay squared, all of whom i had missed greatly, but didn't realize how much until i got to see them. b took me to niagara falls for an over-night as i had never been there (yes i have in fact lived in ontario for 26 years without bearing witness to this spectacle of nature and lighting). it was a great trip except i felt a cold/flu thing coming on so i wasn't as enthused as i would like to have been. new year's was fun, went for dinner with some of the crew and then over to a friend's condo for the drinking portion of the evening.

ok now for today's fun....

i still hadn't gotten over the cold/flu thing and it appeared to have migrated to my lungs, a fact which i chose to ignore for the past few days due to insane work load and the impending physical that occurred this am. not only did i have to endure the plastic pelican (ladies you know what i'm talkin about) turns out i've shrunk half an inch and am only 5'3.5, and i have pneumonia, great start to 2005! ah well at least i have tylenol 3's at home to look forward to :)

young impressionable men

2004-11-29T13:43:00.000-05:00

woo hoo i spent the weekend with a room full of 19-25 yr old firefighter wannabes!

there is no reality only perception

2004-10-25T13:42:00.000-04:00

so trouble and i have been having existential discussions lately, and all i can say is 'i know i don't exist, but man i get seriously pissed off sometimes'. i guess i'll just have to keep reminding myself that nothing exists, it works to a point but man perception is a bitch.

the shunning

2004-10-06T10:00:00.000-04:00

ever get the feeling that you've been blacklisted?

earlier this week the dragon lady sent out one of those lame chain forwards to all the women in the office except for me; you know the ones that go something like this:

"if you received this email someone is your bestest friend, send this to 100 ppl in the next 3 seconds or a plague will fall on your house and all of your children will be barren yadda yadda yadda. be sure to return this to the person who sent it to you so they don't think you hate them"

or some such variation...

the reason i know she sent it to all the women in the office who weren't me is that they all sent it to me. same thing happened again yesterday. i think i've been email contact blacklisted.

the happy post

2004-09-23T14:57:00.000-04:00

well according to the death clock i've got 54 years left. i die monday february 18th 2058, for those who are left you can come to my funeral.

link courtesy of gay squared

they'll publish anything these days

2004-09-17T13:43:00.000-04:00

so my friend makr sent b and i a link to a book i was nearly in tears i was laughing so hard. a few of the comments are in poor taste, but it appears to be all in good fun for the most part.....

oh and annother completely separate incident....

mom and dad were talking the other morning and they apparently have no issues with the idea of mixed-race grandchildren. great. i'll get right on that.

the tenth sign of the apocalypse

2004-09-15T09:53:00.000-04:00

well friends the end is nigh... i saw a young 'hipster' wearing acid wash jeans on the bus this morning. i'm pretty sure that the return of acid wash to 'fashion' is the tenth sign of the apocalypse. see you all in the seventh ring!

miscellaneous observation

2004-09-14T14:26:00.000-04:00

isn't a Doctor of Philosophy in Philosophy a little redundant?

pon-cho pon-cho man!

2004-09-13T10:51:00.000-04:00

i think this is what would have happened if i had been forced to join the military. the story of the poncho

farewell a-team

2004-09-13T08:49:00.000-04:00

well for the last month and a half i have thought i was an a cup. initially i went through the usual phases of mourning a loss (in this case a cup size). denial (i must have measured wrong), bargaining (maybe if i make the straps as tight as they can go), anger (if only i had known what losing 26 lbs would do) and finally acceptance (started referring to my breasts as the A-Team). i had resigned myself to the idea that i was an A36, and then out of no where, (well not really out of nowhere, more out of La Vie En Rose's outlet store in south London) my measurement changed.

i asked a helpful angel of proper measurement where i could find the A36s and she took one look at me and said 'you're not an A, come in the back and i'll measure you'. lo and behold i am a B34. at this l-r switch decided that she too could use a measuring... turns out she's a 38D! we were both shocked at this, and immediately commenced trying on bras. she discovered that the D's are too big, despite measuring as one, i discovered that i should only wear demi-cups as i don't fill out the top of a full cup, oh well at least i'm not an A!

as it turns out this was the weekend of new bra size for hussy too, she went and bought an H cup for the first time. we discovered that her new bra could also double as a hat for conjoined twins.

so much better than canada post

2004-09-10T13:42:00.000-04:00

so before the movie last night i picked up Give Up by the Postal Service i've had it on repeat ever since, well not during the movie 'cause that would have been rude and counterproductive. anyhow for the lucky few that read this go check it out!

in a garden state of mind

2004-09-10T08:52:00.000-04:00

finally saw garden state last night with hussy and strumpet it was fantastic! it really captured the twenty-something malaise, and had some really hysterical moments, but unlike most comic moments they weren't contrived (i find a lot of comedy to be too polished, it's funny but no one would ever say it that way). so while garden state is a work of fiction, much of it rings true. and once again if you haven't already check out zach braff's blog some funny stuff!

they're baaaaack

2004-09-08T09:09:00.000-04:00

i was on my way home from work last night when a man (just barely so) asked the entire bus 'does anyone know where the nearest beer store is?' he like so many other students that return to london in september needed to quench a thirst, and not the one for knowledge. i listened as some of the other riders (mostly students too) attempted to help him on his quest, but apparently everyone forgot the layout of the city over the summer, so just as we came to a stop where he could transfer to a bus that would actually take him to the beer store, as opposed to a scenic tour of east london, i gave the poor schlep directions. at least i found the advice on his friends t-shirt amusing "never trust a squirrel, he'll bite your nuts". words to live by.

sunday night debauchery

2004-09-06T08:37:00.000-04:00

went to see TFMJ last night with b it was an awesome show! i hadn't seen mon chichi or the rock star in a while so it was good to see them, and give them a chance to get to know b a little better too. TFMJ only played one set, but they packed enough energy into it that the crowd didn't seem to care. The lead singer is hilarious mostly b/c she screams out some seriously harsh lyrics during the songs, and then says 'thank you' in this tiny girlie voice afterwards. b was crackin up most of the night and it was cool to see him having fun even though he was out of his element. we told rock star that the band should tour japan b/c they love punk music over there, but that they should change their name to silly round eyes. i demanded royalties though b/c that's b's nick name for me.

a state of gardens

2004-09-03T10:33:00.000-04:00

well in my infinite state of boredom at work i decided to google two movies that i want to see, i heart huckabees and garden state. in my travels i stumbled across zach braff's blog well it wasn't so much a stumble as i cliked on the link that said 'zach braff blog'. this is quite possibly the funniest stuff i have read in a good long while. i knew the man was funny (watch scrubs to see what i mean) but i had no idea he was this funny, not to mention rather intelligent.

my youth is dwindling

2004-08-20T14:45:00.000-04:00

i'm officially getting old, i found my first grey hair this morning. well the first one on my head anyways. i suppose i should take heart though because as trouble put it, his fall out before they turn grey.

high-ho silver!

lord of the fishes

2004-08-18T12:16:00.000-04:00

ok this is officially bizzaro-week!

apparently trouble's fish just had babies, but here's the weird part... it's been alone for about 2 mos, and it's previous companion was a gold fish (which it is not). trouble is now convinced that it is an immaculate conception and that they are jesus fish, here to bring salvation to the aquatic kingdom! i told l-r switch and she brought up a very good question.... if trouble has jesus fish, does that make him god???

we're screwed

adventures on public transit

2004-08-18T09:56:00.000-04:00

my morning commute is usually pretty uneventful, unless you count my occasional stop at starbucks. this morning's trip started like any other, i got on the #4 and headed downtown. two stops away from my transfer point a woman got on the bus and said something to the driver, he hopped off, and then ran back on and yelled out "EVERYONE OFF THE BUS! NOW!" that's when we noticed the smoke. i really must congratulate the driver on instilling a sense of calm during the evacuation of the bus (insert sarcasm here). once off the bus and a safe distance away i looked back and saw flames shooting out of the rear wheel well. now here's the really hysterical part... this is the second time that has happened to me this year! the LTC is so ghetto.

wish i could.... wear tights and prance around

2004-08-17T09:10:00.000-04:00

so i did something completely out of character last night, i went to see WWE Raw live at the John Labatt Centre. my best friend got tickets through work b/c they wanted her to go and promote product in between matches, and so we found ourselves in a whole different world.....

here are some of the things i saw:

1. man exposing ass-crack
2. woman wearing t-shirt that said 'my reality cheque bounced'
3. 13 yr old boy wearing a hat that said 'i only date crack whores'
4. a couple holding up a sign during the matches that said '8:16 our first wedding anniversary'

but despite my fish out of water syndrome i did have a good time, it was actually quite funny, and they really do put on a show ie, pyrotechnics, giant video screen etc... i ended up leaving at 10pm and missing the last hour because i was really tired and had to be up at 6:30 am for work today, luckily there were some other ppl from crazy latvian's work there so i wasn't leaving her all alone.

got home to a voice mail from b so i gave him a quick call to let him know how it went and then went off to sleep.

more mysterious than the caramilk secret

2004-08-05T13:20:00.000-04:00

last night at the mall i decided it was time to get a new bra, or five. given that i have lost 26 pounds since i last went bra shopping i figured i should get measured first. so rather than have a strange department store denizen do it for me i figured i'd ask how one measured oneself for bra size, go home and measure and return another day. according to her method of measuring from the nipple to the base i am a C cup, this perplexes me as i currently wear a B cup, and it's.... well lets just say i'm not exactly 'busting' out of it.

so today, thanks to the internet i have been trying to find an accurate method of measurement.

1) Victoria's secret (they know what they're doing right?)

Band Size:
Using a soft tape-measure, measure around the ribcage directly under the bust. The tape should rest on the lower band of your bra. Be sure the tape is snug, smooth across the back and level with the front. Add 5 to this measurement to obtain your band size. For example, if your ribcage measurement is 29" + (5) = 34" band size. If the resulting band size is an odd number like 33", you can usually go to the next even band size (34"), but you may also want to try the next lower band size (32").

ok that's a 31 for me plus 5 = 36

Cup Size
Measure completely around the bust at the fullest point, holding the tape measure straight but not tight. The difference between this measurement and your BAND size is your cup size. Each inch of difference is equal to one cup size. For example, if your band size is 34" and your bust measurement is 35", you wear an "A" cup.

ok that's a 35 minus 36 wait a minute.... -1 ?! how can i have negative boobs?

on to the next method

2) afraidtoask.com
excellent i just plug in my numbers and out comes.... 36C ?! again currently in a 34B that has a little extra living space

3) courtesy of http://www.fittingtips.com

Taking the Proper Measurements
To determine your bra size you will need to take three measurements.
Put on the best fitting bra you own. If necessary pin the straps up to bring the breasts to the correct level. The diagrams to not show a bra so you can see exactly where to take the measurements

1: Under Bust . Hold the tape snugly, but not tight and take the circumference under the bust. Add either 4" or 5" to this measurement to make it an even number.

Under Bust Measurement
Plus 4" if Upper Bust is an even number
Plus 5" if Upper Bust is an odd number
36 = Band Size

2: Upper Bust. Measure the circumference above the bust under the arms. 34

3: Full Bust. Measure the full bust circumference. Do not let the tape droop in back. You may need help to take this measurement correctly. 35

Determine the difference between Measurement 2, the upper bust, and Measurement 3, the full bust.
3: Full Bust: 35

2: Upper Bust: 34

Difference: 1

This chart determines the cup size using the difference between the Full Bust Measurement and the Upper Bust Measurement.
Difference Equals Cup Size Less than 1 inch AA, 1"A, 2"B, 3"C, 4"D

ok so according to this i'm an A36

time to go shopping!

i am just a squirrel tryin to get a.... golf ball?

2004-07-30T14:05:00.000-04:00

yet annother reason to love the globe and mail: bushy bandits having a ball

fettered to this city

2004-07-27T10:45:00.000-04:00

so the other day my boss came into my cube and told me that they are thinking of reclassifying my job, which would significantly increase my annual salary. aaarrggghh! why is it that every time i'm ready to move to toronto, something comes along that makes it more difficult?!

song woo

2004-06-19T20:49:00.000-04:00

bub rubb taken to a whole new level

http://homepage.mac.com/howheels/rubpics/Woo%202.mp3

and all the little sausages came dancing round the room....

2004-06-17T14:57:00.000-04:00

ok so the wurst site brought back memories of a song i learned in public school, i managed to find the lyrics (oh internet how do i love thee, let me count the ways 01010011110111000000100011100) anyhow here goes:

There was a fat old Dutch man, his name was Gunderback
He like to eat his sausages with sauerkraut and fat
He openened up a sausage store the finest ever seen
He named it and patentened it the Gunderback machine

Oh Gunderback oh Gunderback how could you be so mean
To ever have invented such a horrible machine
Oh pussy cats and long tailed rats are never more to be seen
Their all ground up to sausage meat in Gunderbacks machine

One day a little Dutch boy came walking in the shop
He ordered up some sausages and half a case of pop
While waiting for his order he whistled up a tune
And all the little sausages came dancing 'round the room

Chorus

Well late one night it happened, the machine it would not go
So Gunderback he crawled inside the reason for to know
His wife while having a nightmare was walking in her sleep
She gave the crank a heck of a yank and Gunderback was meat

Chorus

the wurst sayings

2004-06-17T13:42:00.000-04:00

i was sent this link by a friend today. germans say the darndest things....

http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/9912/wurst.html